Dear Stephanie Meyer,

Since I devoured The Twilight Saga in the course of three days, I decided that all four of my reviews could go in one post.  So here they are.

TwilightOk…I’m giving Twilight three stars.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not totally addicted.

I think  your writing in this novel is quite poor. My roommate and I have been reading it aloud to each other (after each reading it by ourselves, of course), making notes in the margin in red pen, because the overdone and awkward prose is easier to handle that way. But making fun of the story also makes it easier to handle the fact that I’m actually quite devoted to Edward, in spite of his lack of personality. Bella I could certainly live without–she’s kind of an idiot. But Edward…. Well.

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New Moon I want to give New Moon four stars, but I can’t quite do it.    You still don’t really know how to write, and the endless passages about Bella’s depression were both boring as hell and sometimes embarassingly similar to my reaction to my past breakup. I stayed up all night just to get to the end, to find out if Edward still loved her, if he would save the day, if the discomfiting cloud of unhappiness that plagued the book would be lifted. Let’s just say that Edward’s reappearance (because, with two more books to go, he just had to reappear sometime) was quite a relief to me. I remain a devoted Edward fan, though I love Jacob just as much, and wish they’d all get over this stupid mythical creature feud thing. Why can’t we all just get along? Also, why is Bella such a total idiot? It took her until page 200-something to figure out a plot twist I suspected waaaay back in the first 100 or so pages of Twilight. Clearly I’m much better prepared than she for mythical happenings. Also, I feel pretty sure that in real life, I’d fall for Alice before Edward any day…  Three stars for you again, Stephanie.

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EclipseOkay. I have to give Eclipse four stars. I was too absorbed in the story, by the time I got to this one, to notice if the writing was horrible.  Though I did get pretty damn annoyed with Jacob’s behavior. I still can’t say this series is excellent, but the entertainment value is extremely high.

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Breaking DawnAnother four stars for Breaking Dawn! I was told that this book was kind of like Season 5 of Buffy–sometimes it was awesome, and sometimes I’d want to shoot myself. I have to say, I never wanted to shoot myself. It took three books to prepare me, but I finally got over the fact that you could cut the angst with a knife, and all the characters are self-sacrificing to an absurdly annoying degree. I just went with the flow, and I was rewarded; reading this book was kind of like reading a really good fanfiction. Over the top, but some part of me is still 13, so I just can’t help but swoon every time Edward or Alice does something spectacular, and the one big WTF moment that my roommate made me put the book down and talk to her about was…well, I loved it. Also, there’s finally some discussion of sex. At long last! I sort of wish that this wasn’t the final book of the series, but at least at some point we’ll all get to read about Edward’s perspective, when you finish that.  All in all, this whole saga is satisfying in a great pulpy way, and I am both ashamed and proud to be a fan.

Love,

apple

Wanna check out this title for yourself?  Try the Indie Bound or ABC bookstore finders!

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